your mouth as necessary on mine as rain on the desert
(i remember thirst).
i remember unloading guns beneath a complex heaven
(they cut into my dreams).
i remember how bitterness tasted
(it was something sweet).

now in the black black behind you sleep
i am trying to hold your oceans
i am struggling to sparkle in your sky
i will collect snowfalls in my arms
and watch them unfold.

in the north, you ache with loss

and wish for a sick day

to curl yourself away and cry.

the warmth of your voice

now burnt with loss

and everyone knows.

everyone knows you are far too far

too transparent

to hide away such a wanting.

now whom is needed

and whom is needful?

you are older than i

but hand your small self over

-- a bird nestling into my hand.

i am broken, i am broken

you say as i stroke you to sleep.

making the day's tea of desperation

i know you are sterling.

no, i won't tell them.

no, i won't share you.

i am killing myself trying not to care.

let me throw you deep into the stars
so you can see your heaven
and speak to your dead.

(lay on me the hands that never kill.
stain my skin with breath
laced in coolth and stun.
trace my form in the dark until it glows.)

come here little bird

let me lick your feathers back.

come here to your complicated cat.

i have done my best to steer you away

now i swim in blame and sleep in fear.

when we go public, my china bird

i'll tell you the story.

when you hurt me

i won't let it show.